How to Make a Change…For Good.
It is said that human beings will do more to avoid pain than they will to seek pleasure. This explains why change can be so difficult, even change that is necessary in order to bring about an increase in life status, joy or financial security.
No one likes change even though we know on a conscious level that change is 100% necessary for growth and realization of our life’s dreams. Change is the one constant we can be sure of in life.
“Change is painful, but nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong. All things are difficult before they are easy.”
So, it stands to reason that once we make up our minds to change, change can and will occur. Right? We know it’s not that easy but we do know that successful change has to start with a change of mindset. We have to mentally commit before we can begin the process. In Life After Kids, we have been talking all week about goal setting and how important it is to make written, meaningful goals in midlife. Especially as middle aged women, we set goals so that it will help us expand into a bigger, more actualized version of ourselves.
We mentally commit to a goal, then we determine what we need to add or subtract in our behaviors in order to reach the goal, then we sustain that change for life. Ha! If only it were that easy.
Many of us will run into one little (HUGE) snag once we have begun on the road toward real change. It is a concept rarely discussed, however I firmly believe that lasting change cannot occur without awareness and mitigation around this obstacle. Say for example, you have a goal to lose 50 pounds. That is a significant amount of physical change and one that many women in midlife can relate to. Imagine you start exercising, you change your portions, choose foods that nourish your body and within 4-6 weeks you are dropping weight, looking and feeling great! At some point near or past your goal you realize that you are expanding into a different version of yourself. When that happens we might unconsciously feel uncomfortable inside that expansion. Our current experience as a “fit” person may feel weird or not “like us.” It is in contrast to our comforting “old self” because not enough time has passed for us to fully settle into our new identity and our old identity suddenly feels like our most comfortable set of sweats and tennis shoes. You realize that there is more uncomfortable change coming for you if you are going to sustain this change. Add to that, the pain of why you wanted to change in the first place is likely gone since you are so near your goal. You might even be facing the possibility that you will confront feelings of being left out by friends who continue to engage in “fat” behaviors not to mention having to change the perceptions of all of those people in your world. What will you actually do and how will you relate to your husband or kids now that you no longer can sit down and binge watch and binge eat together?
We expected the discomfort at the start of the change but we didn’t expect it to morph into a new discomfort in us not feeling authentic or steadfast in this new version of us. So many of us will drop back into our old skin, settling back into the habits that we associate with “our true selves.”
“Being self-aware at this time of maximum tension is the biggest protector of lasting and sustaining change.”
-Dr. Lynne
When you know how the enemy works, you can beat it at its own game. The good news is once you know it, you can persevere and use that knowledge at every level of set-point increase that you experience. Writing your “why” and re-connecting to your why on an emotional level is also another predictor of successful and lasting change.
Xo,
Dr. Lynne