Be careful what you wish for…
How many times have I caught myself saying through the years…”If only I had more time.” When we are in the midst of the proverbial s!@# hitting the fan and we have a million things to do I think many of us have been guilty of thinking or saying that.
The older I get, the more I also find myself giving weight to the good old adage “The grass is greener…". I’m sitting here as I write this, fully aware of the yin and yang of life from the vantage point of the rear view mirror, however in the midst of those chaotic times I can easily feel overwhelmed and it’s difficult to remember that this too shall pass. That soon enough I will have all of the balls balanced, the boxes checked and that things will settle down once again. True to form, it always does. But, when that happens, it often gets quiet. Too quiet??
To add some context, my number 1 talent in my Strengths Profile is the Achiever Talent. This means that everyday feels like it starts at zero for me. That is, it doesn’t matter what I accomplished yesterday or last month, year or decade it’s all about what am I getting done today to achieve and cross the finish line. I’ve learned to live with this “whisper of discontent” but even with the self-awareness that I have gained from my years as a Clifton Strengths coach I still have moments where the silence is deafening. The irony is those times when I’m busy and there’s lots to do I’m usually fantasizing about the finish line to help me get through the stress. See what I mean? The grass is not necessarily greener…
This is the maddening hamster wheel many of us are on. If you can relate, I’m here to tell you that I have looked at this from every angle and the way I see it you have 3 options:
1) Do nothing. Stay the same, the busy times will come and go and you will be overwhelmed during those times and then bored and directionless during the quiet times
2) Adopt a practice that honors the idea that we are human BE-ings and not human DO-ings in the day to day. Depending on how you are wired, this may be easier for some and harder for others. If you are wired like I am to achieve and get things done then this might feel unnatural to you and it may feel like you are always going against the grain.
3) Accept and honor who you are and how you are wired. If you’re wired like me that means you are probably a lot happier and better version of yourself when you are getting things done! To guard against burnout though there need to be some guardrails.
Here’s what works for me:
Make a list EVERY day of the 6 highest priority actions that you can take to move forward. Work to accomplish those things first. Then, make a second list EVERY day. I call this the Fun List. Jot down 3 things you WANT or GET to do today. This might be as simple as a walk with your dogs, time spent talking to your teenager without phones or tv or something more structured like a hair appointment or a massage. The point is I still write those things on a list that I can cross off when they are completed. This allows me to see and recognize family and my self-care as important accomplishments within my day, the same way I see all my other to-do’s. When I practice this, I go to bed satisfied, knowing I’ve done the best that I can do for another day. As I reflect, it’s in those moments that I can see it isn’t the so called “quiet” that I often wish for that I REALLY want. It is actually that feeling of satisfaction and acceptance of myself when I lay my head down at night, knowing I’ve won the day that I am really looking for.