There’s nothing worse than putting your heart and soul into being your best, into healing and being well. And then having days when you back slide and feel like garbage.

I just got done fighting a virus and I hit one of those times. It’s stress that started it. (Isn’t that always the way?) I was feeing really good, so I let some of my daily selfcare habits slide. I loosened the reigns on my stress management tools, and I slowly began to burn the candle at both ends. You can guess what happened next. I ended up sick. Then pushed myself way too hard through the sickness which led to horrible sleep, night sweats, exhaustion, and anxiety. I have nobody to blame but myself. But, if I’m being honest, we all have periods of weaknesses, all of our bodies have triggers, and sometimes we can hit a bump in the road through what seems like no fault of our own. Have you been there?

If you have, I want to encourage you not to be too hard on yourself and not to give up on the healing journey you’re on. Don’t let go of the goals that you’ve set for yourself. Learn from my mistake. Be gentle with yourself and don’t get too frustrated. The good news is, there are things we can do to manage setbacks in midlife so we come out stronger on the other side.

It’s already a lonely time for many of us. Our kids are inching out of the nest and we’re finding ourselves with more free time than ever! Many of us had formed friendships with our kids’ parents and now that sports and kids activities have dwindled we might find that we don’t have as much in common anymore. Couple this with coming off of a few years of forced isolation and humans all over the planet are finding that social connections aren’t happening as naturally as they once did for many of us.

The health habits we adopt and lifestyle we choose have a major impact on the way we age. Everything we do today- the food we eat, how we move our body, how we manage our stress, the thoughts we think- all of it determines what our health and life will look like 10, 20, even 40 years down the road. Plus, we’re so fortunate to have more tools, more techniques, research, and information about health and well-being at our finger tips than ever before. There are no excuses for not pursuing a healthier, more vibrant way of aging. Anyone can do it. And now is the time.

During perimenopause and menopause, our ovaries are cooling off and starting to shut down. Because of this, they decrease and then stop their production of estrogen. Now, this doesn’t mean that suddenly we don’t need estrogen to be healthy. And it doesn’t necessarily mean that you should start HRT either. Instead, consider the fact that your body is designed and equipped to handle this stage of a life and it has a back up plan. You may not realize that your adrenal glands (two small endocrine glands that sit on top of your kidneys) and your fat cells take over estrogen production in your body when your ovaries begin to slow down and then stop their hormone production.

It’s no wonder…many marriages have endured years of stress and living in survival mode with juggling crazy schedules and the demands and pressures of work and life. Some of us have been guilty of throwing ourselves too far into child caring and leaving no time or energy to devote to the marriage. If this describes your marriage, it’s not going to happen overnight but I’ve coached many couples who are able to successfully reinvent and reimagine their relationships, even after many years of neglect. There’s hope and I’m going to share what worked for them in rediscovering their romantic relationship during this time in life

Ken and I have spent most of our lives together pouring our energy and time into taking care of and raising our kids.  We never considered that once the kids grew up, we’d transition to caring for an elderly loved one.  I’m sure some of you can relate.  These years have been hard, but they’ve also been a blessing.  They are years I’d never trade.  And I’ve learned a few things along the way.  I’d like to share them with you now.

“Genes may load the gun, but Lifestyle pulls the Trigger.”

You may not have control over the quantity of your life but with good lifestyle habits you have some control over the quality. It’s just that most of us realize that too late in life. I’m here to tell you it’s never too late to make meaningful, lasting changes that will impact your life for all of your days. And if your idea of sailing off into the sunset doesn’t involve things such as wheelchairs or oxygen tanks then there are a few important non conventional signs to be on the lookout for when it comes to you, your health and aging well.

Let’s talk about the sun. Is it really that harmful for you? I know that at this stage of life, we worry more about skin health and physical signs of aging far more than we have in the past. Our natural inclination is to stay in the shade and slather on the sun block. But, is the sun that harmful? And actually, dare I say that maybe it’s a little good for us? Allow me to explain.

While the sun can be damaging to the skin if you’re in it long enough to get burnt, a little bit of natural sun exposure is actually very good for overall health, because it’s the best source of naturally occurring vitamin D. Keep in mind that vitamin D acts more like a hormone than a vitamin in the body. Vitamin D is an important key to health at any age but in midlife, it’s more important than ever. That’s because it’s beneficial for mood, bone health, immune health, blood sugar balance, and heart health. Plus, vitamin D may provide protection against some cancers. Because vitamin D plays such a vital role in many important midlife health issues, you can see why getting enough of it through direct sunlight is so important.

Most people think of introverts as being shy, socially reserved types who prefer quiet environments in general and who avoid large crowds. Estimates are that between 30 to 50 percent of the population are introverts.

I resent and rebel against that introvert stereotype. In my opinion it’s a short-sighted broad generalization and it can lead to unfair misconceptions about who introverts are and what they are capable of!

The clearest, most accurate definition of an introvert is simply “a person who recharges their batteries by being alone.”

“Nobody knows your body like you do.” “When it comes to your health, you MUST be your own advocate.” These are things I’ve been saying to my patients throughout my career. And in midlife, they’re more important than ever. Listen, we’ve spent alot of years living in our bodies. We know them and understand them better now than we ever have. Plus, we aren’t getting any younger (whatever!! tell that to my brain), and everything we do now will set us up for how we live our lives 10, 20, 30, and 40 years down the road. We can take steps now to set ourselves up for health, high function, and vitality. Or we can do nothing, running the risk of our bodies breaking down, our energy levels going down, and our pain levels going up.

In every situation there is a silver lining. And although our biggest gifts can sometimes come out of our worst circumstances, what if it didn’t have to take place like that? What if you could find your life’s purpose without having to navigate through an emotionally exhausting obstacle or a harrowing brush with death?

I was lying in bed the other night wrestling with my thoughts. Sleep was eluding me. I was restless and also overwhelmed by a sense of dread that I haven’t had in quite some time. It’s a feeling I thought I was over, but turns out my old friend came crawling back for an evening rendevue. Maybe it was the hormones. Maybe it was stress. Or, maybe I was emotional because I’ve been sharing alot with our audience and writing about all the things we go through in Midlife. Whatever the case, I had the sense of my life being on the down swing- a sense that I had reached the peak and was on the way back down the mountain. My kids are growing up, I’m almost 46, I’m looking older, I’m grayer, and I’ll never be as spry as I was before. Plus, I was feeling like all those years the kids were little and needed me, I screwed up. In the early years of parenting, I was exhausted, emotional, running on empty, and not very often present and enjoying the moment. Because most days, I was just trying to survive and make sure everyone was fed and got to where they needed to be.

The Enneagram is an ancient method of identifying 9 different interconnected personality types. Using this guidance you can see more clearly your core motivations, core fears and your core longings. This is helpful because doing this work can help you decipher past behaviors and mistakes (oops!) but it can also help shine a light on your healthiest path of growth.

It’s true what they say, “you are what you eat”. But, have you ever really stopped to think about it? I think most of us relate food to our body weight and how we look, but do we ever actually stop to think about how food makes us feel? Because for me, my biggest concern is how I feel and that, my friend, is what drives me to daily make the right choices when it comes to the food I eat.

The older I get, the more I also find myself giving weight to the good old adage “The grass is greener…". I’m sitting here as I write this, fully aware of the yin and yang of life from the vantage point of the rear view mirror, however in the midst of those chaotic times I can easily feel overwhelmed and it’s difficult to remember that this too shall pass. That soon enough I will have all of the balls balanced, the boxes checked and that things will settle down once again. True to form, it always does. But, when that happens, it often gets quiet. Too quiet??

Have you ever heard the phrase:

“You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with, so choose wisely”?

In other words, if you want to improve yourself and show up as the best version of you, then should be very careful with who you spend time with and choose those people that are doing bigger things, are more successful, or are in a place in life that you’d like to get to. If you’re like me, then you’ve read this in self help books, seen it in success magazines, had it pop up on your social media feed, or even heard it in a podcast episode.

Well, pardon my language, but I call BULL SHIT.

No one likes change even though we know on a conscious level that change is 100% necessary for growth and realization of our life’s dreams. Change is the one constant we can be sure of in life.

Setting boundaries for yourself is a great tool to reduce stress and focus on self care!

Gratititude. And when I put myself into a state of gratitude and shift my focus to all the things in my life that I have to be thankful for, everything changes. Do you realize that it is actually impossible to be in a state of fear and gratitude or anger and gratitude at the same time?